olympic anything

late middle school i gave up. i let my insecurities take over. somewhere between standing on the starting block staring down the lane, feeling as if my body was far too different and being slower than everyone on the team, i decided it wasnt worth it. later, in high school, i joined the volleyball team. i was good. but on a team full of incredible scholarship bound seniors, i went by unnoticed. every year the olympics come around, i have a battle between profound respect and an immense feeling of not amounting to anything. as i watch swimmers complete hundreds of meters in record time and volleyball players moving around the court  full of power, ready to spring, i wonder if anyone else ever feels this way.

so i decided to do something about it this time. as i put away my dreams of pints of ice-cream, some chinese food and a pity party, i sat myself for a good long look at my life. side note, i dont recommend this for the weak of heart. sitting yourself down for a good long look at the nitty gritty of your life and the hows and whys of what you do, it’s never pleasant. well, at least the process isnt pleasant. the outcome however, is eye opening. when i was in middle school, did i want to be an olympic swimmer? no. when i was in high school, did i want to be an olympic volleyball player? no. i didnt want to be an olympic anything. i felt mediocre at best, but i also didnt have any confidence in myself to think that i could dream that big. but now is a different story. now, i dont want mediocrity, i dont want to be just okay. i want to find a confidence inside myself to dream big and accomplish something great.

at times, i still struggle with feelings of mediocrity. watching gymnasts leap into the air, their muscles ripple out of the sheer strength they possess as they seemingly defy gravity, watching swimmers swim faster than i could ever dream, volleyball players find satisfaction in their team functioning in unison, seeing all their training and dreams come to life…it’s easy to feel little. it’s easy to feel unaccomplished. but during those times, i remember that the olympians didnt become olympians  overnight. and olympians are few among seas and seas of people striving for greatness. during those times, i remember that mediocrity is a matter of perspective and that it’s still okay to dream big, even if your dreams arent necessarily olympic sized.

dwell in possibility…