Five Years of Chasing Fireflies

Our story began in 1997. While ours isn’t a story of love at first sight, it is a story of the hope of love, the promise of love, the faith in love and the trust and security found in a love rooted in Jesus Christ.

I was very much an imaginative child growing up, very internal in how I thought and saw the world. The majority of my days, I spent in the world of make believe and of possibility. While I wasn’t much of a chatty child, I was an asker of questions and I was never in short supply.

As part of a military family, seeing parts of the world most people only dream of seeing. I spent a great deal of my childhood in castles and searching for hidden places in old historic fields. My love of books kept me company and the culture of England brought me a love of tea and old fashioned ink quills and paper. I was fascinated by the things around me, always imagining a story or questioning what great tales and secrets they would tell.

I never was one for making friends easily and I can count almost on one hand the amount of close friendships I carried through life. I used to plead with God to bring me a friend, I would question Him and cry asking why I was always alone…little did I know that He was shaping me for something great: a friendship unlike any one I had ever known.

When Andrew came into my life, I was too caught up in reading, writing, playing chess and riding horses to pay him much mind. I was nine years old and he was just a silly boy. You see, I was a very old young person “too mature for your own good” my dad would say. But I was naive and sheltered and I very much preferred it that way. Oh sure, in high school I wished I was “cultured”, that I could go to a public school, that I had friends, that I could wear spaghetti straps and shorts. But that phase passed quickly and I became grateful that I was spared a lot of the heartache so many high school relationships bring. But not so deep inside, I longed for my heart to belong to someone…I was 14 and I promised my heart, God willing, would only ever belong to one man, the man I would marry. I began writing letters to “my future husband” and there I left my heart on too many pages to count. I would sign them away and keep them locked up until the day my Lord would say to me “now, give your heart to him, he’s yours.”

A few years before God’s gracious plan would weave us together, my relationship with Christ went through the most intensely passionate time I can ever remember. Even to this day I feel like I had a closeness then that I’m often lacking in my life now. He was all I had. The few friends I had made, He called away – I felt stripped down and alone so I ran to Christ for my security and my hope. Fears and struggles were dealt with and my identity in Christ as His child was solidified. It was around that time that God slowly began to introduce Andrew to my heart.

It began with an email. Those who know me well know that written word is the fastest way to my heart. In person I’m a bit timid, shy and reserved until I feel safe, but in writing I can be me. Emails grew into AIM messaging, AIM messaging grew into short heart pounding phone calls, short phone calls grew into long ones and many prepaid phone cards later, my intently guarded heart was open. To this day, Andrew claims that he never truly saw me until then. Four or five hours a night, more if my dad was feeling generous with my phone and internet curfew, Andrew began to  know what was deep inside me.

In 2006, my heart broke. Even though Andrew and I were growing close, I still held back parts of myself, I still protected parts of myself. With one email, one short phone call and one long tear filled night spend wrapped in Andrew’s arms, my walls fell. In that moment, there was nothing that I hid from Andrew. As I cried the ugly cry that no girl wants to cry, Andrew held me so tight that my trembling became his own, my sobs melted into his chest and I leaned on him for strength more than any other person in my life. That was the day I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that my heart belonged to Andrew, that he was who God had planned for me.

On a hot fall afternoon, as Colbie Caillat rang through the speakers of an old red truck, my hair flew crazily through the warm breeze, Andrew’s hand on my knee. It was a regular day, nothing special about it aside from just the sheer happiness, the incredible joy I felt. “It was probably the happiest I had ever seen you in such a long time and I just wanted to make it even more so” he said when I asked him why now. We had known as we entered into our relationship that the intent was marriage, there was never any doubt in that but the when was always up in the air. October 6, 2007 Andrew promised himself to me and asked me to be his forever.

There wasn’t a single nervousness in either of our hearts as we waited for the other. I walked slowly down the aisle, just the two of us alone in a church with our wedding photographer as we were about to see each other for the first time. Looking into Andrew’s eyes I knew I was home. He held my hands tight in his and smiled knowing the rest of our lives were before us and we were ready for whatever was to come. June 28, 2008 in our home church in front of our friends and family  I knew I would never again need to hide myself or protect my heart…I was Andrew’s, he held my heart in his and still to this day, as long as he breathes, my heart will beat for him. That day and every day forever more, I find myself completely captivated by the way my God has crafted my story – our story. In finding my love in Jesus Christ, in finding myself in Him and in learning to trust Him, have complete faith in Him and find my satisfaction in Him, in that has brought into my life such a great joy and security. Without Christ I could never have the love that I have found with Andrew.

{photo credit to the  heart stopping talent found of dearwesleyann}

“If I know my heart, there’s nothing I’ve ever wanted so much but to love you…just to love you. It’s all I want to do. I’ll hold you close to my heart and pray you’ll feel my love. I know you’re the one that I’ve been praying for and I could love you for a thousand years and wish for a thousand more. I love you and it’s all I’ll ever do. Would it be okay with you if I loved you for the rest of my life.”

It’s been five years and you’re still encouraging me to chase fireflies. Every day you show me love that I could never have imagined for myself. With you there’s a safety and a friendship beyond anything I’ve ever known. You know that I’m not one for tears but if I’m being honest, when I think of these years together, my heart feels like it may burst and tears build up inside me. They’re tears of astonishment, of complete thankfulness and an overwhelming feeling of joy. When I think of the years to come, the possibilities seem endless but I know that whatever may come, whatever path God leads us down, your loving hand will hold mine and your laughter will always bring a smile to my face. Happy anniversary my love, I pray that I’ve brought as much love and security and joy into your heart as you have to mine.