the sounds and smells of the lawn mower always reminds me of him. the mixture of gasoline and freshly cut grass instantly pulls me back to the crush i had on him in high school. you see, my parents used to hire him to take care of our lawn. he drowned out the sound of the mower with his headphones and i watched through my window as his back glistened with sweat under the summer heat as he worked. and as he worked, i would wait for him to come near the numerous windows in my cantaloupe orange room with the sheer curtains and i would pace. i wanted to look like i was accidentally walking passed the window to catch his eye. i wanted to look completely unaware of his presence and have it be a happy accident when i smiled back at him. so there i would wait, cleaning my room, organizing my closet, reading a book in my chair under the window…

i married that guy. i married the guy that took care of my parents lawn. the guy that i would watch as he was completely unaware. the guy that i would try to find reasons to talk to. the guy that always reminded me of the smell of freshly cut grass, gasoline, the heat of the summer, and the sound of the lawn mower. i married him.

today as i drove to the store with my windows down, i happened across a lawn company going about their work. as i came to a stop at the light, i smiled at a worker as he dropped a yellow pansy into the small hole he had just dug. the smell of the grass, gasoline, dirt and sweat drifted into my windows along with a few bits of grass and dust. today i was reminded of just how lucky i am to have him. today i was reminded of that guy i married and how much i love him.

dwell in possibility…