days off are like chips. you can never eat just one chip. believe me, i’ve tried….who am i kidding, i havent tried, i embrace the chip bag and eat till the bag’s empty. it’s why i dont buy chips. okay it’s why i dont buy chips often.

i’ve been taking days lately – days to just be, to enjoy things, to see things differently. i’ve been wanting to just shoot more for me, no rules, no expectations, just me. and those days turned into a week and suddenly my writing felt neglected and strongly suggested i go to a “i cant just have one” anonymous meeting.

life is about balance and if i’m being honest, i suck at balance. but i’ve always very much so been an all or nothing sort of person so balance for me, it’s tricky. this does not come in handy while learning to surf. oddly enough, balance was my “theme” for 2012 - my goal as it were – to gain a better grasp on balance. so, while i learn to eat just a few chips, to relish in just a few days at a time, to make time to write, hopefully i’ll be able to keep the balance a bit better.

dwell in possibility…

at first i was hesitant to post any success. terrified of appearing to brag, i would engage in an inner tug of war on what to post. it took a comment from one of my dearest brides to remind me that it wasnt about me. “still loving every bit of it 9 months later”  i didnt want to seem like i was tooting my own horn but my bride, it was about her, about her wedding, not about me. her wedding captured the attention of a blogger, of an editor. her wedding met something they were looking for. and not sharing that, once i realized it was her success and not mine, somehow, keeping it to myself out of fear just seemed selfish.

cathleen and wes were two of the sweetest people whose family and tradition were some of the strongest bonds we’ve seen on a wedding day. it was one of those times when i just couldnt take my eyes off of the emotions shared between loved ones. today, as modernly wed featured their wedding on their blog, i felt as if i was just pulled right back to that day, to the tears, to the wind catching cathleen’s veil, to wes’ eyes dancing with joy as he saw her, as they held each other on the dance floor, oh, and one of the coolest bridal party dances on the planet!

a huge thank you to kate at modernly wed for the feature and the reminder of such an incredible day. seriously i could not thank you enough, imagine a big hug and an even more ginormous cupcake from me. you know, the good kind with the sprinkles on top.

dwell in possibility…

she would order rice with steamed vegetables nearly every day we worked together. with her skinny khaki capris with her toms and her perfectly tousled hair she would sit eating her lunch, sipping on san pellegrino or perrier. when she wasnt there, i would try it, order the same lunch, try to like the sparkling water, but at the time, the lunch had those weird itty bitty corn on the cobs that are just weird and the water just reminded me of when the soda dispenser accidentally ran out and gave me weird tasting water. i wasnt that girl and i stopped trying.

i did that a lot growing up. i would see those i thought i wanted to grow up to be, people i wanted to be like. i would emulate them as best i could, trying it on for size to see if this was me. almost every occasion left me realizing that was them, not me.

when i made my goals for the year, i also made my fitness goals and aspirations. for the fun of it {and i use fun as loosely as possible} i decided to give up soda and processed sugars for three months. i dont drink soda that much anyways but i just wanted to see what would happen if i cut it out completely. the processed sugars was way harder. i had a cheat day every month which was probably counter productive and i allowed myself a few different foods that had processed sugars but i just couldnt give up: soy butter and whipped cream. somewhere in those three months, i picked up a bottle of perrier with lime. and i fell in love. why would i drink regular water when i could drink fancy bubbly water that looks pretty and sophisticated. and if you were wondering, yes, that was my actual thought process and yes, i still think drinking san pellegrino out of a champagne class makes my work day absolutely fabulous.

when i went to st. martin, literally all they drank was alcohol and sparkling water. i think i tried about four different types of the fizzy goodness before i decided that as long as i could afford it, i would always keep a few bottles in my fridge at home. it may sound silly or wasteful, but sometimes silly makes you feel amazing. okay who am i kidding, i’m always silly. and silly always is amazing.

dwell in possibility…

my dad has this watch. it’s gold and faded. the majority of my memories of him, that watch is tightly fixed on his arm. until one day, the watch stopped working. my dad stored the watch away and my mom purchased him a very very nice fancy watch as a replacement. but still, to this day, whenever i think about my dad and memories from growing up, i picture that watch.

photo thanks to lauren kinsey

there is this desire in me that’s been there for as long as i can remember…it’s this desire to know where things came from, to know what they mean. this recently has been reflected in constantly asking my parents for old things. things that came from their grandparents or given to them on a special occasion. i tend to “borrow” those things…a gold ring that looks like bamboo, my dads broken gold and faded watch… my mom lovingly calls it stealing. my dad just smiles and shakes his head.

dwell in possibility…

i dont know what got into me yesterday. for whatever reason, i decided that i was going to do yard work until dinner time. i called andrew to see what his dinner plans were and then got to work.

• borrow wheel barrel
• shovel dirt from bed of truck into wheel barrel
• push wheel barrel into back yard
• shovel enough dirt out of wheel barrel to then pick up wheel barrel and flip it into the garden box
• repeat
• figure out how to start the lawn mower
• mow lawn, call andrew to brag that i mowed the lawn…all be it however slightly crooked looking
• replace windshield wipers, call andrew because the stupid things wouldnt go on the stupid car
• turn on grill for dinner, call andrew once when i nearly caught on fire and again when i waited for 30 minutes for the coals to heat when in reality the fire went out 30 minutes earlier and again when i needed to know if i could put the food on the grill yet.

i think calling andrew only five times instead of six is an accomplishment. in part, i have to thank my mother for that one because i begged she graciously volunteered to help me till dinner and that more likely than not was what kept the phone calls from double digits. while i mowed the lawn and screamed like a girl when i hit a piece of wood or something and it sounded like a gun shot, she found this little guy.

like i said, i dont know what got into me…but that squishy fat little dirt covered thing kinda made it all worth it. well, that and the bragging rights.

dwell in possibility…

it’s not a secret that i’m amused by little things. a crunchy leaf, a tiny bird hopping along the ground, a happy commercial, disney movies…i swear i’m still a five year old when it comes to things that make me smile. and let’s not even get started on the things that make me twirl.

today has gotten off to a dreary start. muggy rain and hazy grey skies began my morning and like some mornings, things just didnt go right. it happens…some times, it just all goes backwards, sideways, diagonal, pretty much any way but forward. but regardless of how it all starts, the day is what you make it and on days like this, the little amusing things are just whats needed.

i love this commercial. regardless of what i’m doing, where in the house i am, if i hear this little song start, it brings a smile to my face. so maybe your day is going bad, maybe your plans are being tossed out the window or maybe today is just awesome. either way, smile! and happy hump day!

dwell in possibility…

i shouldnt have bought them. you see…i have no self control when it comes to sweets so i just dont keep much of it in the house. except for that piece of chocolate coffee cheesecake hiding in the back of the fridge. oh yeah, i know it’s there – i havent forgotten. but for the most part, i cant say no. so i just dont ask the question. so why did i buy these? i have no idea. i tried to ration them, you know, to make them last longer? i think maybe they lasted two days and i was proud, yes interent, proud!

if you havent tried the mint m&ms made with {wait for it} dark chocolate, i’m not going to tell you go out right now and buy a bag. i’m also not going to tell you eat them because they’re delicious and makes your breath feel fresh. i wont tell you either of those things. in fact, i will just tell you now, dont do it…you know, unless your self control isnt the size of a pea.

dwell in possibility…

his voice wavered. as he bit down on his lower lip, a tear ran down the side of his face and he collected himself to continue on. there before him stood his beautiful bride. the declaration he was making was to be her husband, her lover, her protector, her friend, and her future; and it was a declaration that he didnt take lightly, that he was pouring his soul into.

i looked to dana’s face as she stood before her husband and i couldnt comprehend how she was managing to hold her self together. above me in the balcony, i felt andrew’s gaze on the back of my head as my chin trembled. as dana began her vows, her voice also gave way to the emotion building up inside of her. i smiled, knowing andrew and i were remembering the same exact thing: we were remembering the joyous weight of our own vows. how the excitement seemed to build up from our toes making you want to jump out of your skin. as i snapped the first kiss, i smirked wondering if dana and joey felt the room fade away and for a moment, forgot where they were…not that i know that from my own personal experience or anything. nope, i didnt forget where i was during my wedding kiss and feel my heart stop. okay who am i kidding – it was one of the best things in the world, being completely captivated in the moment, in the love, in the possibility.

dana, joey, you two were incredible. andrew and i so enjoyed getting to know your family and seeing the dynamic you all have together and just the love that abounds there. from your tears to your laughter, your love and your thanks, we have loved every moment of working with you. we wish you both all the love, hope, and faithyour hearts can hold. thank you so very much for trusting in us to join you in your journey together.

dwell in possibility…

it was breathtaking. we were exhausted and sweaty, the trek to our little room in a small apartment complex was…rough. but we were there, we had recovered and when we finally stopped moving and just looked. lauren and i stood there, cameras in hand and just looked. and it was absolutely breathtaking.

this is our little “apartment” complete with our watch kitty. it never moved really, it just sat there watching us come and go.

i dont know what these are and if it werent for the customs laws, i probably would have hid one away in my suitcase to get it back in the states just to figure it out. the leaves are huge and the little purple and white flowers are the cutest thing ever and i wanted one.

then there was this little guy. if you follow my pinterest cuteness board, you might see that i have a certain weakness for shar peis. this one just walked right passed me, into the water and proceeded to take a bath. if the custom laws didnt allow weird looking fruits and flowers, i’m fairly certain this wrinkly little dude was off limits.

yeah, i took way too many photos of him.

this was breakfast. bread, lettuce, tomato, onion, and chicken breast. it was perfection.

random little bar in the middle of the town square. home of the best mojito.

the island of st. marteen…it was one of the few places i’ve ever been where it just seemed as if the world spun a little slower. moments meant more, days went by leisurely and life was enjoyed more fully. so one day, when andrew and i go to the airport, and pick a random flight to somewhere, i might just have to play with loaded dice and go back.

dwell in possibility…

isaiah 53

“who has believed our report? and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? for He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant and as a root out of dry ground. He has no form or comeliness; and when we see Him, there is no beauty that we should desire Him. He is despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with much grief. and we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised and we did not esteem Him. surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted. but He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed. all we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, every one, to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed and He was afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so He opened not His mouth. He was taken from prison and from judgement, and who will declare His generation? for He was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgressions of My people, He was stricken. and they made His grave with the wicked – but with the rich at His death, because He had done no violence, nor was any deceit in His mouth. yet it pleased the Lord to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief. when You make His soul as offering for sin, he shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in His hand. He shall see the labor of His soul and be satisfied. by His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many, for He shall bear their iniquities. therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great, and He shall divide the spoil with the strong, because He poured out His soul unto death and He was numbered with the transgressors, and He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.“